closure

If i have to pick one recurring theme of the past year, that theme would have to be "closure". The end of a saga, the conclusion of a book. I see closure all around me and perhaps it is a sign that this chapter of my life needs closure too. I have always thought of my life as a movie, with an unseen audience following my every move. Hence it is only fitting that part 3 ends properly before the sequel is released. In this final scene, i am walking through my library and i stop in front of a table strewn with book. I start to pull books from it and flip through. The pages come alive with memories, words become moving pictures.
Then i move each book to an intricately carved bookshelf

So how is life showing me closure? I shall begin with what is most important: people around me. I shall begin with my big bro (you know who you are) as i "The Silent Solo"
Bro, you are a talented musician, always have been. But i never did anything to nurture that side of you. For years, you played your beautiful solo ballad and all i could do was listen. Physical Age be damned, You are everything i always wanted in a bigger brother; I only wish i could say the same about me as your younger brother. All these years, you kept playing your complex little song. And i kept wishing i could be there to play it with you, but i can't. After all, you drew with me, you wrote with me. I spend days punishing myself for not being a better brother to you.
Now bro, I am glad you have found your perfect accompaniment. Gifted in every way you are, yet complementary right down to the smallest detail. The trebel to your bass, the piano to your forte. Your solo performance ends, and your duet begins. May you make wonderful music together. A glorious concert.
I now close the book "The Silent Solo" and place it at the top of the shelf.
Closure 1.

Next book is "Learner's Path". My time in school is now over. No more lessons. And i literally close my books. My friends have moved on and i wish them well. They are closing their books too. Attatchments, marriage. Mindboggling! I've learnt a lot from both lessons and experience. But i have still much more to learn. Its is no point living in the past, but i can still treasure the memories and the lessons learnt.
I now close the book "Learner's Path" and place it in the shelf.
Closure 2

I love movies. So this book is called "Silver screen" In 2011, i bore witness to the closure of 3 sagas: Harry potter, Final Destination and Transformers. I bought Terminator 4, Rambo 4, Fast Five, and many other shows that effectively rounded out my DVD collection. The sagas are complete. With the purchase of "Battlestar Galactica season 4" i have completed my collection of my all time favorite TV series.
Silver screen now goes on the bookshelf.
Closure 3

"Not a Comic Book" is next. It represents my hobby of collecting comic books.
With the purchase of Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle 28, the story is ended. A story that began 6 years ago.
With the purchase of Marvel's "Siege" and "X-men: Schism", i have completed the deluxe hardcover collections i wanted to have.
I bought vol 1 of John Byrne's Fantastic Four as well.
In ongoing storylines, IDW's solo TRANSFORMERS, a tale that i have been following since its conception in 2006, has officially ended with "Chaos" and Optimus Prime's permanent departure. The new direction involves the splitting of the title into 2 titles.
I smile at the developments that happened this year and i close "Not a Comic Book" and place it on the shelf.
Closure 4

"Forgive me Father" brings to a close my struggle to understand God. "Electric Heart" brings to a closure my Laptop's life as a laptop; thanks to a dying battry, it now begins life as a desktop computer. There are so many books that spoke of closure to me.

Yet even more remain incomplete. And even more still have yet to be written. I have already opened a few new ones this year. I hope they are a pleasant read.

My final closure will be "New perspective". the closure of this blog. I feel it is only fitting.
With this. I bid farewell to this blog. Whether it remains here or google decides to take it down, it no longer matters.

As i take a step back and gaze at my bookshelf, i see that it is good and i smile to myself.



The first day.........

Dont follow strangers

Dont follow strangers for they will lead you astray
Dont talk to strangers, for they will try to trick you
Dont believe strangers, for they are filled with lies.


I am cynical yes.

Are there no fellow cynics?

...

i didnt post here in a long time.

Thats cos i thought people listened to me. Illusion i guess. So i'm back here.

The only thing that does listen to me.


I am tired of being happy.
My facial muscles are tired of having to pull my mouth into a smile, of having to entertain people with senseless conversation.

Why do you feel bored?
Is there a NEED for something to be constantly exciting?
is there a NEED for something to always be fun?


I made a list of things that make me happy.

It is a very short list. It can never see the light of day.
It can never be published.

What are the things, then, that make me unhappy?
75 and counting


Sometimes...........maybe i truly am crazy.

All that i have learnt, it is all starting to mean less and less

soon it would disappear completely.

Love.......................its supposed to be good.
Why then do i feel happy only with hate?

I've had it

Sometimes, in my deepest darkest recesses of my mind, i regret being born a beliver of God.

that makes suicide a sin.
that makes mass murder a sin
And i will go to hell.

dammit

Sometimes i hate choices

Choices to be made. Decisions decisions.

Com300
Advantages:
- its writing. I love writing
- lots of in-class discussion
- small class size
- little studying involved. Skills based.

Disadvantages
- work intensive


Com 460
Advantages:
- lenient teacher
- easy to score
- concept based
- small class size

Disadvantages
- boring as hell
- standard lecture structure
- teacher's thick accent
-2x textbooks.



Oh. Dear. Gosh.

Someone kill me.

Heroic Age

a new era dawns for me.

I am at peace


Holding a part time job and studying........HA now i feel like a true uni student.

Social life's never been better, work life has never been better.

Wish study life was better but that'll have to wait for the results to be determined.

I LOVE LIFE!!! (and a 30% staff discount. hoho)

Of what nature, miracles?

Divine acts of God? Unforseen favorable consequences of some past action by you or others? Or perhaps just self fulfiling wishes?

Do we make our own miracles happen or are miracles part of the divine plan?

Exhibit A: Miracles are a gift from God.
- now it begs the question of "why". OF course the simplest and truest answer is that God is a loving God who gives us blessings. Then there is the rebuttal that not everyone recieves blessings; there is poverty, murder, death and disesase running rampant still in the world.

Exhibit B: Miracles are the unexpected favorable result of our own or others' actions
- aka free will argument guided by determinism. We make our own miracles happen but those events seem "miraculous" when they are highly unexpected. Someone coming to your aid in a time of need might see "miraculous" until you figure out its cos at some point in your life you might have touched the heart of that someone. Or a miracle cancer cure. It is almost magical until you discover that cells can "bounce back" from cancer and that despite the treatment being only 10% effective, you luckily got into that 10% who were cured. Hence the "miracle cure" was the result of all these factors; the treatment, the family and friend support etc etc.
The determinism part comes in when you consider how a bird crapping on the sidewalk can end up with you getting a million dollars. One event leads to the next, determinism determines that the outcome would have always been that outcome.


For me, its all about choice.

How do we choose to see miracles and whether we choose miracles or not.
For exhibit A, All God ever does it present miracles to us. We have to choose to accept them. And choosing is not as easy as just saying yes. The mouth can say yes, but if the spirit and heart do not truly believe, then we have officially chosen to say no to whatever miracles.

For exhibit B, there is also choice. We can choose to see any event as a miracle. A baby's birth can be a miracle, a haircut can be a miracle. How we choose to see it is how it is.