Soul outpouring

It is so hard to keep reminding myself why i do what i do.

Why? Why do i study? I keep telling myself that it is only for my own desire to acquire knowledge, for self improvement. Yet all around me, that purpose is lost. Only two(not counting family) have ever understood education for what it truly is.

Exams are not an "end" that we study toward, but only a means to determine the proficiency of our acquired knowledge. Nobody else i know seems to understand that. Results seem to mean the world to them when it is only supposed to exist merely as a gauge not a prize. Is that why i am so different? That my ideas are different? They are not wrong, my ideas. The very philosophy and purpose of "study" has been clearly stated by the scholars and the educators to be the advancement of knowledge. I am not wrong.
It is the others who are wrong, those who regard studying as merely a means to acquire good results, and then place so much emphasis on those results.
Yet among the wrong, I stand out as the deviant............

Sometimes i envy you, but i can never tell you that.
You are different from the world, yet similar to the world.
You do not have the burden of being a role model
Not to mention the cornucopia of friends you have........and yet you find the time to further your knowledge in academics.
I see a drive in you, an honest desire for the pursuit of knowledge much like my own. Is it true? Do you really believe in the true purpose of studying?

i envy you.
So many friends, so smart, so fun loving, so unusual yet so typical. I envy you.
I can never live up to that.

I am different, and i have paid the price for my difference. Speaks a lot about me when i realise that i have had more friends in the past 7 months than i ever did in 14 years.
I have had my crisis of faith, where my beliefs in the true purpose of studies are shaken by the words of those around me.
We are more than just rats chasing after the cheese that is "good results."

......................
how...how can i become more than "just a friend from school" to you? I look at you, and i see so many strings, so many attachments, so many people connected to you. How can i go from being just another string to perhaps, a special string?
I try to talk to you, i try stepping out of my comfort zone.
Is that enough? Do i have to do more to be more than "just another friend"?

I can't believe i watched a romantic comedy!!

I just can't believe it.

Today, my friends and I went over to Plaza singapura for a movie outing. Great bunch of friends. Said once, will say it again, and will say it many times over. I consider myself truly blessed with such a bunch. Close friends, good friends. Best of friends all.

Before i break into tears of joy again, let me just say that i initially had in mind to watch the movie "Gamer". Actually I already watched it, somewhat. But i would have loved to seen it in cinema, on the big screen. It is a throwback to the late 80s styled ultraviolent action films set in dystopian futures but with many thought provoking social/political themes.(think stuff like Robocop, Total Recall, Blade Runner etc). Also it was starring Gerald "this-is-sparta" Butler.

So well, being the only guy in an all-girl group kinda negated my chances of watching that show. On the other hand, i got to watch ANOTHER movie that also starred Gerald "this-is-sparta" Butler.

A romantic comedy "The Ugly Truth"(review to be in next post. And honestly, i think it would be my last film review on this blog. My other new movie blog needs some attention). Watched it, and liked it.

I liked it very much. I dont know why. Long time friends would know that Samuel usually shuns such genre of films. How in the world did Sam suddenly start to like a romance comedy??

Honestly, i dont know. Something "clicked". Maybe it was that small part of me that became a fan of "Love Hina" and other funny romance manga/anime back from many years ago..........Is that me? Is that "me" still a part of me??

Its "that" Sam. The quiet, innocent, bored-with-life Sam from so many years ago. The "Sam" surrounded by classmates and colleagues, but not friends. The lonely Sam who thrived on the escapism presented in television, movies, comics, anime and manga. It was escapism that led me to pick up drawing way back when.

Hello "that Sam", my name is "now Sam". How have you been??
You've changed.

You're not bored with life anymore. I see a renewed vigour in you. A new love for living, a new purpose that drives you.
You're not that quiet anymore. Maybe all you needed were some actual friends you could talk to. You have friends now.
You're not lonely anymore. And for a while, you didnt need escapism anymore.

But you still like the formal don't you? The tried and tested predictable formula of a romance comedy. You still like anime and manga don't you?
You've changed, yet some of you never change.
There is room in this heart for you and what you used to like.

Welcome back.

Ribbons anyone?

Within a single day today, i noticed up to 10 or more "fake ribbons".

Is this a rising fashion among teens??

Let me explain. More Girls is see are wearing RIBBONS in their hair.
Not those REAL ribbons that you actually use to tie your hair and finish off in a cute little bow knot, but FAKE ribbons that are actually plastic hairbands or hairclips with a ribbon ornament design on top.

I intend to ask my friends about this rising trend im observing.

Is it supposed to look cute? or a leftover from younger days?

Cos those i saw wearing the ribbons are either from my university, or do not look any younger than 15.

OR is it some sort of "act cute" thing?

ai............not having a sister to ask this sort of thing is a huge disadvantage....

Why the business/pleasure seperation?!?!?!

There is something very wrong.

Why is it so difficult for people to "get down to business"?? To start working when the time to work comes?

Ya fine, mix business with pleasure, i'm all for that. But NOT mixing business with DISTRACTION. Fine line between DISTRACTION and pleasure.

Pleasure is derived from the business at hand. The satisfaction of completing a task, the relevant intellectual banter between co-workers, the feel of elation when the ideas get put into words; NOT the booming of bad music or off-topic ramblings!

God save my soul. I may end up more behind schedule than i thought..............

into my 2nd week

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Ya i know, havent written anything. Been rather caught up in school stuff, which is highly interesting i might add.
I'm enjoying it so far.

Psychology test was easy and my method of "knowing rather than studying" seems to be paying off and so far i'm liking the teachers. Then again, its only in the first few weeks, the pressure hasn't built up yet. I can only hope that the rest of the semester keeps this way.

Been subconsciously sidelining my CSE 111. NOT GOOD. Computers can be interesting too.

Oh and i got this silly plan i want to put into effect soon.

I was advised, by a professional singaporean movie reviewer i met on IMDB forums, to "build up my resume" by making a movie blog.
I got about 70 reviews under my account at IMDB and a couple here but making a stand-alone blog focusing on movies would be useful to show future employers. Also it is an easier way for pals to "review my reviews" and tell me how to improve.

3rd of September was my birthday and for the first time in my non-primary school life, school friends actually celebrated it with me. (primary 1 don't count cos teacher made us celebrate everyone's birthday). Really touched by their kind gestures. First there was a birthday lunch then a surprise with cake. Yes i did cry tears of joy.

Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart.
Diana, Elaine and Priscilla, Munis, Selene, Pavin and Stefie.............whole class. Thank you.

oh ya. i got really out of practice in drawing. As in REALLY out of practice.
Just going to throw some of the more recent pics up here.

Very basic, each done in about 30 mins or less.


Kurogane from the manga "Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles" done in my "american graphic novel" style. What can i say, i already did YuGiOh and One Piece main characters in this style, and its about time Kurogane got some recognition. Yes i know, its a far cry from the gangly, skinny and long limbed beady eyed guy from the manga, but i love this kind of "Style switch".



"Hypnotoad". What more can i say. For a while a good pal of mine was going on and on about some "hypnotoad" and so i just decicded to draw my own.


Not really a recent work; i originally created this months ago. Its our friendly dimension hopping princess Sakura from Tsabasa Reservoir Chronicles as well. Acting upon advise from a fellow manga fan from school, i did some changes to hopefully keep her closer to the original without compromising the art style.
I even included a shot from the original manga to compare.




DO NOT ask me who this is.
If you do this is the answer
She is anyone, she is no-one. She can be me, she might not be me.(philosophically i mean. All my drawings contain elements of my own personality)
She is just another exercise in "style convertion" between my japanese inspired anime style, and my american graphic novel inspired comic style.