Tuesday, June 29, 2010

still alive

Has there ever been anyone who has ever felt bad about getting full marks in an exam before?
I do.

I am that person.
I've always lived with the feeling that it is better to die trying.

But this time, i'm apparently still alive.

kinda like "survivor's guilt". Although this time its not that i feel bad that i am the only one who got full marks for exam. I feel bad that so many other people got A.

That means the exam was too easy. It was not a fair objective gauge of my abilities. If i was any more extremist i would gladly get a B if it meant that everyone else get a C or D.



After days of trying to self-justify my grade to myself, i am now stuck in a new semester.

2 projects instead of 1.
Same old friends who can't seem to move beyond friendship.
Superficial, superfluous, but highly satisfactory nonetheless. so no complains.


I feel like dying but im still alive

still alive

still alive.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Anti tank rocket.

For the longest time i was a thoughtless mass. Inert, passive, empty. Nothing
Then a miracle happened and I am birthed in the fires of pain and turmoil.
Through hell's flames i emerge into a loveless world, screaming.

My eyes clear, my sense primed, i take in my new reality. The divine plan is in place and all is right.
My purpose is clear. My purpose is to meet YOU.

With that single aim in mind, i hurtle through life at breakneck speed. I pay no heed to the voices around me as i rocket toward my destination. If my life were a race, all that mattered was the finish line. No time for friends, not even family; none of them are worth my time, only my destiny mattered to me. Only YOU matter to me.

There are no walls in my way, for fate has aimed me well
There are no distractions on my path, for the road has been laid straight and bare.
Though i walk through a valley of darkness, even evil fears me.

My single minded determination is unsurpassed.

Half my life rushes by before my eyes as i move over the corpses of those who fell by the wayside, their purposes unfilled, their lives taken before their time.
what passes for my heart cries out for those lost souls. But their deaths spur me on.
All those around me recoil at the sight of me as i rocket through my time in this world


I persevere, but my strength weakens. I am haunted by dreams of my destiny, and the one being whom i am pre-destined to meet. You plague me in every waking hour of my life.

Who are you? When will i find you?

My faith falters and for the first time i feel fear.
What if i end up like the others? Lost, confused and ultimately dying without fulfiling my purpose?
The elements threaten to extinguish my life's flame; to return me to a thoughtless mass.
Inert, passive, empty.
Nothing.


Then a miracle happens and i see YOU
THERE!
There you are.
The one who plagued my dreams; my goal, my destiny. The end result of the divine plan.
You the one i am destined to meet, to embrace.


Contact


You resist me, but i am strong
You repel my initial efforts, but i am resilient
Finally, I break past your cold hard exterior and experience a warmth i have never felt before.
Your unfeeling metal facade falls away and i see you for who you are, the true you; the sad vulnerable creature that is you. Alone in a cruel world, wanting only to be wanted. to be loved.

I am lonely too, but i am happy. Happy that i have finally reached my destination and fulfiled my goal.


Hello.
May i be your friend?

You do not recoil from me like all the others did.
you do not fear me like the evil ones.
Like star-crossed lovers, we embrace.
We allow the fires of our passion to engulf us as you exclaim in ecstacy.
Ecstasy? Pain? Both? I cannot tell. For i am gone.

The moment the fire overcame me, i was long gone.

Was it worth it to forsake everything else for the sake of my destiny?
Was it worth it to have lived a life running down the speedway, never stopping to smell the flowers?
I have died without even knowing how a rose smelled like.
Perhaps it was.
but my life could have been different?

Logical Thought leaves me. All reason leaves my mind.
Our kiss climaxes in one final explosion of intensity.
A feeling of affection unlike any other.


I died in your arms, and you in mine.
A blinding flash brings an end to the world.




*******************************end***********************

Epilogue

Vehicle Damage +30
Destroyed Vehicle +100
Killed an enemy +50