Of what nature, miracles?

Divine acts of God? Unforseen favorable consequences of some past action by you or others? Or perhaps just self fulfiling wishes?

Do we make our own miracles happen or are miracles part of the divine plan?

Exhibit A: Miracles are a gift from God.
- now it begs the question of "why". OF course the simplest and truest answer is that God is a loving God who gives us blessings. Then there is the rebuttal that not everyone recieves blessings; there is poverty, murder, death and disesase running rampant still in the world.

Exhibit B: Miracles are the unexpected favorable result of our own or others' actions
- aka free will argument guided by determinism. We make our own miracles happen but those events seem "miraculous" when they are highly unexpected. Someone coming to your aid in a time of need might see "miraculous" until you figure out its cos at some point in your life you might have touched the heart of that someone. Or a miracle cancer cure. It is almost magical until you discover that cells can "bounce back" from cancer and that despite the treatment being only 10% effective, you luckily got into that 10% who were cured. Hence the "miracle cure" was the result of all these factors; the treatment, the family and friend support etc etc.
The determinism part comes in when you consider how a bird crapping on the sidewalk can end up with you getting a million dollars. One event leads to the next, determinism determines that the outcome would have always been that outcome.


For me, its all about choice.

How do we choose to see miracles and whether we choose miracles or not.
For exhibit A, All God ever does it present miracles to us. We have to choose to accept them. And choosing is not as easy as just saying yes. The mouth can say yes, but if the spirit and heart do not truly believe, then we have officially chosen to say no to whatever miracles.

For exhibit B, there is also choice. We can choose to see any event as a miracle. A baby's birth can be a miracle, a haircut can be a miracle. How we choose to see it is how it is.

fruits are sweet

Most fruitful vacation i ever had in a long time

1) Got much practice with job interviews (went for 8 total)

2) Got a part time job that works well with my schedule (and its $6.50 an hour. EAT THAT Macdonalds!)

3) FINALLY booked a holyday that is
- goes outside of ASEAN
- without my parents
JAPAN!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa

4) rediscoverd a certain style of drawing and learned some basics in panel sequential art

5) re-affirmed faith in religion and my future

6) got my movie reviewing mojo back

7) got the drawing mojo back


Well 7 is a good number.

As a result, i am happier.

Part of the time

no luck getting a part time job.

Bloody tuition centers always "female preferred".
THATS SEXISM!!! A male teacher can teach as good as any female teacher!!!!

Everywhere else is either permanent part time or temporary full time. And "temporary" means at least one month.

Yeesh.

what i wouldnt give for some easy money or a job that lasts 2 weeks.

Liberated

thats how i feel.

No worries for the next two weeks.

I wonder if dying feels this great.

still alive

Has there ever been anyone who has ever felt bad about getting full marks in an exam before?
I do.

I am that person.
I've always lived with the feeling that it is better to die trying.

But this time, i'm apparently still alive.

kinda like "survivor's guilt". Although this time its not that i feel bad that i am the only one who got full marks for exam. I feel bad that so many other people got A.

That means the exam was too easy. It was not a fair objective gauge of my abilities. If i was any more extremist i would gladly get a B if it meant that everyone else get a C or D.



After days of trying to self-justify my grade to myself, i am now stuck in a new semester.

2 projects instead of 1.
Same old friends who can't seem to move beyond friendship.
Superficial, superfluous, but highly satisfactory nonetheless. so no complains.


I feel like dying but im still alive

still alive

still alive.

Anti tank rocket.

For the longest time i was a thoughtless mass. Inert, passive, empty. Nothing
Then a miracle happened and I am birthed in the fires of pain and turmoil.
Through hell's flames i emerge into a loveless world, screaming.

My eyes clear, my sense primed, i take in my new reality. The divine plan is in place and all is right.
My purpose is clear. My purpose is to meet YOU.

With that single aim in mind, i hurtle through life at breakneck speed. I pay no heed to the voices around me as i rocket toward my destination. If my life were a race, all that mattered was the finish line. No time for friends, not even family; none of them are worth my time, only my destiny mattered to me. Only YOU matter to me.

There are no walls in my way, for fate has aimed me well
There are no distractions on my path, for the road has been laid straight and bare.
Though i walk through a valley of darkness, even evil fears me.

My single minded determination is unsurpassed.

Half my life rushes by before my eyes as i move over the corpses of those who fell by the wayside, their purposes unfilled, their lives taken before their time.
what passes for my heart cries out for those lost souls. But their deaths spur me on.
All those around me recoil at the sight of me as i rocket through my time in this world


I persevere, but my strength weakens. I am haunted by dreams of my destiny, and the one being whom i am pre-destined to meet. You plague me in every waking hour of my life.

Who are you? When will i find you?

My faith falters and for the first time i feel fear.
What if i end up like the others? Lost, confused and ultimately dying without fulfiling my purpose?
The elements threaten to extinguish my life's flame; to return me to a thoughtless mass.
Inert, passive, empty.
Nothing.


Then a miracle happens and i see YOU
THERE!
There you are.
The one who plagued my dreams; my goal, my destiny. The end result of the divine plan.
You the one i am destined to meet, to embrace.


Contact


You resist me, but i am strong
You repel my initial efforts, but i am resilient
Finally, I break past your cold hard exterior and experience a warmth i have never felt before.
Your unfeeling metal facade falls away and i see you for who you are, the true you; the sad vulnerable creature that is you. Alone in a cruel world, wanting only to be wanted. to be loved.

I am lonely too, but i am happy. Happy that i have finally reached my destination and fulfiled my goal.


Hello.
May i be your friend?

You do not recoil from me like all the others did.
you do not fear me like the evil ones.
Like star-crossed lovers, we embrace.
We allow the fires of our passion to engulf us as you exclaim in ecstacy.
Ecstasy? Pain? Both? I cannot tell. For i am gone.

The moment the fire overcame me, i was long gone.

Was it worth it to forsake everything else for the sake of my destiny?
Was it worth it to have lived a life running down the speedway, never stopping to smell the flowers?
I have died without even knowing how a rose smelled like.
Perhaps it was.
but my life could have been different?

Logical Thought leaves me. All reason leaves my mind.
Our kiss climaxes in one final explosion of intensity.
A feeling of affection unlike any other.


I died in your arms, and you in mine.
A blinding flash brings an end to the world.




*******************************end***********************

Epilogue

Vehicle Damage +30
Destroyed Vehicle +100
Killed an enemy +50

People to talk to VS people to talk WITH

big difference.

People to talk to are people who you can tell about what you did yesterday.
You can tell them about your life, your hobbies, what you do, what you wear etc. It is like a lecture that you give them, and then once that is done, its their turn to give you a lecture about their life. We can enjoy a movie together and then talk about how cool the actor was. We can talk about a stray cat who broke its paw and feel pity for it. Light a candle to celebrate a birthday.



People you talk with are people who you can SHARE WITH.
They would engage in relevant dialogue with you over a topic deeper than those mentioned above. We can share banter over deconstructing a movie's narrative as opposed to just watching a movie for example. Discuss about how pity might be both an encouraging and a discouraging factor for "care". Mull over the metaphorical implications "a candle in the wind" with regards to human life.

THe difference is turn based monologue versus dialogue.
talking versus mutual understanding
shallow versus deep

I have enough people to engage with for the former.
Enough swimming buddies.
I am a diver. The unknown depths call to me, intrigue me. Is there no one else who shares that level of interest?
Everyone seems content on threading water, jumping off spring boards, floating passively.
There is more to the water than its surface.



I need people that i can talk with.
Is there no one else who will dive with me?