Heroic Age

a new era dawns for me.

I am at peace


Holding a part time job and studying........HA now i feel like a true uni student.

Social life's never been better, work life has never been better.

Wish study life was better but that'll have to wait for the results to be determined.

I LOVE LIFE!!! (and a 30% staff discount. hoho)

Of what nature, miracles?

Divine acts of God? Unforseen favorable consequences of some past action by you or others? Or perhaps just self fulfiling wishes?

Do we make our own miracles happen or are miracles part of the divine plan?

Exhibit A: Miracles are a gift from God.
- now it begs the question of "why". OF course the simplest and truest answer is that God is a loving God who gives us blessings. Then there is the rebuttal that not everyone recieves blessings; there is poverty, murder, death and disesase running rampant still in the world.

Exhibit B: Miracles are the unexpected favorable result of our own or others' actions
- aka free will argument guided by determinism. We make our own miracles happen but those events seem "miraculous" when they are highly unexpected. Someone coming to your aid in a time of need might see "miraculous" until you figure out its cos at some point in your life you might have touched the heart of that someone. Or a miracle cancer cure. It is almost magical until you discover that cells can "bounce back" from cancer and that despite the treatment being only 10% effective, you luckily got into that 10% who were cured. Hence the "miracle cure" was the result of all these factors; the treatment, the family and friend support etc etc.
The determinism part comes in when you consider how a bird crapping on the sidewalk can end up with you getting a million dollars. One event leads to the next, determinism determines that the outcome would have always been that outcome.


For me, its all about choice.

How do we choose to see miracles and whether we choose miracles or not.
For exhibit A, All God ever does it present miracles to us. We have to choose to accept them. And choosing is not as easy as just saying yes. The mouth can say yes, but if the spirit and heart do not truly believe, then we have officially chosen to say no to whatever miracles.

For exhibit B, there is also choice. We can choose to see any event as a miracle. A baby's birth can be a miracle, a haircut can be a miracle. How we choose to see it is how it is.

fruits are sweet

Most fruitful vacation i ever had in a long time

1) Got much practice with job interviews (went for 8 total)

2) Got a part time job that works well with my schedule (and its $6.50 an hour. EAT THAT Macdonalds!)

3) FINALLY booked a holyday that is
- goes outside of ASEAN
- without my parents
JAPAN!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa

4) rediscoverd a certain style of drawing and learned some basics in panel sequential art

5) re-affirmed faith in religion and my future

6) got my movie reviewing mojo back

7) got the drawing mojo back


Well 7 is a good number.

As a result, i am happier.

Part of the time

no luck getting a part time job.

Bloody tuition centers always "female preferred".
THATS SEXISM!!! A male teacher can teach as good as any female teacher!!!!

Everywhere else is either permanent part time or temporary full time. And "temporary" means at least one month.

Yeesh.

what i wouldnt give for some easy money or a job that lasts 2 weeks.

Liberated

thats how i feel.

No worries for the next two weeks.

I wonder if dying feels this great.

still alive

Has there ever been anyone who has ever felt bad about getting full marks in an exam before?
I do.

I am that person.
I've always lived with the feeling that it is better to die trying.

But this time, i'm apparently still alive.

kinda like "survivor's guilt". Although this time its not that i feel bad that i am the only one who got full marks for exam. I feel bad that so many other people got A.

That means the exam was too easy. It was not a fair objective gauge of my abilities. If i was any more extremist i would gladly get a B if it meant that everyone else get a C or D.



After days of trying to self-justify my grade to myself, i am now stuck in a new semester.

2 projects instead of 1.
Same old friends who can't seem to move beyond friendship.
Superficial, superfluous, but highly satisfactory nonetheless. so no complains.


I feel like dying but im still alive

still alive

still alive.

Anti tank rocket.

For the longest time i was a thoughtless mass. Inert, passive, empty. Nothing
Then a miracle happened and I am birthed in the fires of pain and turmoil.
Through hell's flames i emerge into a loveless world, screaming.

My eyes clear, my sense primed, i take in my new reality. The divine plan is in place and all is right.
My purpose is clear. My purpose is to meet YOU.

With that single aim in mind, i hurtle through life at breakneck speed. I pay no heed to the voices around me as i rocket toward my destination. If my life were a race, all that mattered was the finish line. No time for friends, not even family; none of them are worth my time, only my destiny mattered to me. Only YOU matter to me.

There are no walls in my way, for fate has aimed me well
There are no distractions on my path, for the road has been laid straight and bare.
Though i walk through a valley of darkness, even evil fears me.

My single minded determination is unsurpassed.

Half my life rushes by before my eyes as i move over the corpses of those who fell by the wayside, their purposes unfilled, their lives taken before their time.
what passes for my heart cries out for those lost souls. But their deaths spur me on.
All those around me recoil at the sight of me as i rocket through my time in this world


I persevere, but my strength weakens. I am haunted by dreams of my destiny, and the one being whom i am pre-destined to meet. You plague me in every waking hour of my life.

Who are you? When will i find you?

My faith falters and for the first time i feel fear.
What if i end up like the others? Lost, confused and ultimately dying without fulfiling my purpose?
The elements threaten to extinguish my life's flame; to return me to a thoughtless mass.
Inert, passive, empty.
Nothing.


Then a miracle happens and i see YOU
THERE!
There you are.
The one who plagued my dreams; my goal, my destiny. The end result of the divine plan.
You the one i am destined to meet, to embrace.


Contact


You resist me, but i am strong
You repel my initial efforts, but i am resilient
Finally, I break past your cold hard exterior and experience a warmth i have never felt before.
Your unfeeling metal facade falls away and i see you for who you are, the true you; the sad vulnerable creature that is you. Alone in a cruel world, wanting only to be wanted. to be loved.

I am lonely too, but i am happy. Happy that i have finally reached my destination and fulfiled my goal.


Hello.
May i be your friend?

You do not recoil from me like all the others did.
you do not fear me like the evil ones.
Like star-crossed lovers, we embrace.
We allow the fires of our passion to engulf us as you exclaim in ecstacy.
Ecstasy? Pain? Both? I cannot tell. For i am gone.

The moment the fire overcame me, i was long gone.

Was it worth it to forsake everything else for the sake of my destiny?
Was it worth it to have lived a life running down the speedway, never stopping to smell the flowers?
I have died without even knowing how a rose smelled like.
Perhaps it was.
but my life could have been different?

Logical Thought leaves me. All reason leaves my mind.
Our kiss climaxes in one final explosion of intensity.
A feeling of affection unlike any other.


I died in your arms, and you in mine.
A blinding flash brings an end to the world.




*******************************end***********************

Epilogue

Vehicle Damage +30
Destroyed Vehicle +100
Killed an enemy +50

People to talk to VS people to talk WITH

big difference.

People to talk to are people who you can tell about what you did yesterday.
You can tell them about your life, your hobbies, what you do, what you wear etc. It is like a lecture that you give them, and then once that is done, its their turn to give you a lecture about their life. We can enjoy a movie together and then talk about how cool the actor was. We can talk about a stray cat who broke its paw and feel pity for it. Light a candle to celebrate a birthday.



People you talk with are people who you can SHARE WITH.
They would engage in relevant dialogue with you over a topic deeper than those mentioned above. We can share banter over deconstructing a movie's narrative as opposed to just watching a movie for example. Discuss about how pity might be both an encouraging and a discouraging factor for "care". Mull over the metaphorical implications "a candle in the wind" with regards to human life.

THe difference is turn based monologue versus dialogue.
talking versus mutual understanding
shallow versus deep

I have enough people to engage with for the former.
Enough swimming buddies.
I am a diver. The unknown depths call to me, intrigue me. Is there no one else who shares that level of interest?
Everyone seems content on threading water, jumping off spring boards, floating passively.
There is more to the water than its surface.



I need people that i can talk with.
Is there no one else who will dive with me?

Topic deconstruction

A number of possible presentation topics were presented.
Now they are deconstructed (my comments and deconstruction in orange)

please, need comments/help would be very much appreciated for this sem's module.

- World history Learning from the past would allow a better future. Should our roots be remembered no matter how savage or uncivilized they were? Humanity's progress, chronicled for our benefit. What drove our forefathers? (very broad. lots of areas to cover)

- politics a dangerous topic indeed. what indicates the grey area between right and wrong? does might make right? Is always the most convincing argument the appropriate presidential candidate?

- money management the figurative "root of all evil", but is it really the cause of evil? I doubt it. What does it take to do one's own checks and balances? Is it better to work yourself to the bone for more money, or to save up and spend less?

- piano playing a beautiful skill to make beautiful music. Sadly as a presentation topic, it might merely be instructional in nature.


- music the universal language, one that transcends cultures. Very broad, and comes in a myriad variety of genre. Will it be a deconstruction of the music industry as a whole? or will the focus be on a particular genre?


- chinese language with china's increasing prominence, how important is it that people learn its language? Should non-chinese people, caucasians included, pick up chinese? "One language to unite them all" or "stay true to your roots" in racially diverse singapore?

- korean dramas analyse: what is the innate attraction of sad stories? Is it a kind of escapism? But if so, an escapism from what? Life is already sad enough as it is. Or perhaps a "im glad this is not happening to me" kind of feeling? What is this strange stranglehold tear jerking dramas have on the asian populace? Is there a logic behind the emotional flood?

- movie reviews how does one try to be as objective as possible in the evaluation of a movie? What is the line between fact and opinion? Is it possible for one to put aside what he "Feels" about a movie and access a movie for what it is? Is it possible for one to like a bad movie, for one to enjoy a movie that he does not like or for one to not enjoy a truly good movie?(I say yes)

- health issues How does one toe the line between living healthily and being obsessed with health? Would taking the time and effort to live healthily result in a better life or would that time and effort be better spent on other more important matters?

- SG culture Singaporeans mostly look down on themselves. Our own "singlish" has been called crude, our mannerisms rude, "kiasu". In a culture whose main unique point is its composition of various cultures, how does one truly pin point a "singaporean" culture? Are locals being too hard on themselves or are people only remembering the few black rude sheep and basing a generalization of singaporean culture on them??

- story writing the finer points of composing literature. From the historical greats to contemporary fan fiction writing. Is the career as writer at all feasible in talent saturated singapore? Is it a language or creativity issue that prevents people from expressing their stories?

- how to plan "fail to plan, plan to fail", planning is no doubt important. What are the pre-requisites and procedures to start a plan. What happens when a plan does not come to fruition?

- "our future lies in our hands" an excellent topic for determinism Vs free will. But if the bible itself advocates God's "Divine plan"for all of us, how much of the future truly lies in our own hands? Are the choices we make really our own choices or have we already made the choice long before thinking about the choice? Is there fate or only what we make? Where does God(who knew us through and through before we were formed in the womb) factor in if only our own hands determine our future? Does shaping our future against the divine plan not go against the will of God?

- "nothing is free" LOVE is free. For if love is not free from conditions, it is not true love. Then again, what is the concept of "free"? Where do hand-outs of kindness or windfalls of luck factor in? is not satisfaction free? Is "free" only a concept that we choose to bind ourselves with, to tie ourselves down?

- "birth and death is part of life" death, is only the beginning. We never truly die. We either live on in eternal life, or in our legacy. What is legacy? Does one have to be a world shaker, an events shaper, a big player that everyone knows of, just to leave a legacy? Whose life is death a part of?

- friends are important"What constitutes a "friend"? What defines a friend? How important is a friend? Would you save your friend or your family member? Can friends instead be burdens? Can friends be merely using you as a means to an end? Excellent topic with room for sociological insight.

- role as a daughter Does sexism among offspring still exist in today's families? Are daughter's and son's roles all that different in a family? Is it a cultural thing, a result of our male favoring chinese heritage? What is the role of a daughter......really.

- "don't take anything for granted"What constitutes "anything"? and what determines "taking for granted"? very vague. Is it a case of "you wont miss it till you lose it?", or perhaps about treasuring each moment of life? In that case, are the terrible moments even worth treasuring at all?

- fighting for what one wants How does one determine what one truly "wants"? Is it an emotional impulse to say "i want this" without proper logical evaluation? Do we truly deserve what we want to have? There is a fine line between tenacity and foolhardy, between "never say die" and delusional. Is a "want" a "need"? Do we need to have "wants"? When does fighting for, lets say, a higher grade become just plain anal complaining?(afterall, a grade is an indication of how much knowledge on has. With only 75% knowledge, does one deserve 100% grade?) Where is the line drawn between fighting for something and accepting the loss of that thing? Sometimes retreat is the better part of valor.

- importance of education Has the true importance of education been warped? What is education? Is it important as it allows us to expand our understanding of the world, grow, improve and advance our knowledge and lives as human beings? Or is it important just because of career opportunities and the piece of paper that lists one's qualifications? Why work to learn? Do we learn to become better people, or do we learn just to ace an exam? Is an exam the "end" and studying merely a "means to that end"?

- gaming more addictive than drugs, what is the draw of gaming? Is it something deeper than just escapism? Does identity construction come into play? When a game becomes serious(played for money, or as a career), is it still a game or a tedium? What different sets of skills does one need to participate in different games? Should one just jump into a new game as a complete newbie or train one's skills before starting a game?

- psychological horror the psychology of horror. Is horror scarier when not seen? What makes people scared? Is it harm or the potential for harm?

- zombies the science behind re-animating corpses.

How is a sunrise on a cloudy morning like God?

You can't see it, maybe not clearly and maybe not at all, but you know its there.

You cannot see it directly but you can feel its warmth.

Both brighten up your day.

On Karaoke

I have finally discovered the deeper meaning behind Karaoke.

This might seem like making a mountain out of a molehill but hear me out.

Karaoke is not a test of singing ability nor an opportunity to waste money and time. The inherent meaning that i've given to karaoke goes much deeper than that.

Karaoke is a test of trust and friendship of yourself toward your friends.

By belting out your slightly out of tune voice to the off beat tempo of some misbegotten song, what you are doing is actually "letting your guard down".
You are opening yourself up to criticism, critique and maybe even ridicule.

ADMIT IT. Even you are quick to flame some youtube guy with a terrible singing voice with a "OMG that sucked, why did you even waste your time? Give up singing".

Its so easy.
Cos you dont know them. You dont care what such comments do to their feelings.

THat being said, "friends" dont just "shut up and say you're good".
Cos when that happens, and you know full well that the last chorus was a whole beat off, it would only serve to highten your insecurity.
"are they really telling the truth about my singing?" you will think to yourself.



When you sing karaoke, do the following.
1) Ask yourself
"Do i trust my friends enough to open myself up to criticism or possible ridicule?"
- If its a resounding yes, the ask yourself why. IF you can justify that, then your faith in your friends is rock solid and most likely their faith in you is too.
Sing away!

2) monitor their reactions without monitoring their reactions.(dont look like you are monitoring their reactions and just sing dammit. Dim the lights if it helps)
- the "best" friends wont just "shut up and say you're great" and neither will they ridicule you.
The best friends highlight your strengths but at the same time not just highlight your weaknesses, but lead you to improve on your weaknesses in a way carefully crafted to preserve your ego.

3) At the end, the feeling you should feel is satisfaction. Not embarrassment, not boredom, and not pride either.
Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes, you have to allow your friends a look at your weakness to remind them of your flawed animal nature. Flawed just like any other animal, even your friends.

The only question is, are you willing to take the leap?

The fine like between "normally flawed" and "hopelessly flawed"(see "chui") is obviously called into question.
to answer the difference
1) a "chui" person shows A LOT more flaws than strengths. THe old mental ratio is 5:2. 5 strengths is equivalent to 1 flaw. Let "flaw" be "-3" and let "strength" be "1".
2 flaws is enough to negate all the "good" that 5 strengths have contributed to your "image".
As such, play on your strengths but never fear and never hesitate to admit and show a flaw.

2) a "chui" person insists he is not flawed/refuses to admit his flaws. Simple and obvious enough to understand.
However OVER-STATING a flaw is also bad (like constantly telling "I cant sing for nuts"). It now comes across as a bad excuse for your flaw.
PS: It helps to admit a flaw before carrying out the act to which you are not proficient in.

So yea. Karaoke is more than just fun singing.

Think about it.

My study rooom is what i make of it

Bro got real sick today. As such, my study room today was tan tock seng hospital. Normally i would lament the lack of a condusive environment to study in, but instead i chose to reshape my reality. Where i was ceased to be a hospital. In my mind, in my reality, it is a condusive study room.
Whatever doctors or nurses walking around, old sick people coughing behind me, they are all figments of my imagination.

A little bit of delusion works wonders.
I completed the whole syllabus within the 4 hours spent there. Mental fatigue was at an all time high.

Imagination is a wonderful thing to help one construct his own reality.

The evening was met with a torrential downpour. A simple trick of the mind was all it took to imagine a rain free road. Well in fact i pulled a memory of that same road on a sunny day and superimposed it over the current image.......or lack of image rather, of a rain obscured highway.

sigh........exams are coming. Tuesday.

Sometimes i wonder if all this sacrifice is worth it. Sacrifice leisure time, time with friends, etc, all for studying.
Then my evil part of my brain kicks in.
And my theory is laid bare again.

Why study so hard??
Well if my intellegence level is 10 and most other people's intelligence level is 20(like some ppl in my class. Really bright people).
To retain 90% of the knowledge i desire, one must put in 30 skill points.
So if i ony have 10 intelligence points to contribute VS 20 points that other people have, that means in order to attain the same level of knowledge as those others, i have to study for up to 20 study points, which is twice that of what the intelligent people study.

But really, sometimes i feel the payoff isnt worth it.

I need a break.
I wonder if DD's dad will lend me a good DVD. maybe i should try to ask her......

What a great way to start off the week

I started the week with a horrible bout of stomach flu.
Thats right. Stomach flu from saturday morning to sunday afternoon: most likely caused by "presentation-stress" on friday.
Frag it man........why do i always get sick after presentations.....ALWAYS. Thanks to that i missed an outing on saturday.....

Bloody deferment didnt go through..............dont care, must try again. gonna spam them until i get the darn thing differed.

Exams closing in, creeping up on me like some sick python in the night. The darn coms217 project isn't doing well. I believe this course is a gonner for me. And no hope of re-taking it too since its got a stupid project.

Someone's birthday is coming up.....................should i do anything? should i even say anything after what happened??

And some guy gave me dating advice
"fully plan your date and just bring the gal along with your plans. Don't need to consult her, she should just go along with you since you're the man, you make the plans, you're in charge".
So.........a gal's role in a date is just to sit back, shut up and take whatever a guy puts in front of her face?? Pure typical neanderthal male chauvanistic thinking. I might ask the gals about this some day. If they say "yes"(that they do like the guy to do all the planning for dates and dont mind just taking whatever plan is put infront of them) then i guess my old primary school thinking was right all along, that females really like to be bossed around by alpha males and don't appreciate a proper 1 for 1 equivalent complementary relationship.


I dream of going to watch a movie soon. Darn exams are only a week away so WHY AM I TYPING THIS!!! FINGERS!!! STOP WAT YOURE DOING!!!!

thank you


I'm gonna suggest a movie outing after the exams.
Not just to the gals i think. I could also try the dynamic duo, i just hope they dont have plans after the exams.............
cos really, i need to REVIEW something soon.

Only human

To whoever reads......please leave constructive comments................
*********************

"I am only human".

What does that phrase really mean?/ I see it getting thrown about a lot when someone commits error(i lost count of ppl saying jack neo is "only human" just to de-emphasise the mistakes he made) but i would like to clarify my views and this discussion is not about jack neo, but what the phrase "only human" means to us. (hence why its a seperate topic)
Other views and discussions are welcome

1) I personally feel that this phrase of being "only human" is often misused and many times used as a way to shirk responsibility from the mistakes we people commit. Not just that, the phrase itself de-values humanity as a whole.. Mistakes are anomalies, usually going against logic. Isnt it logical then to ensure that the mistake is not recommited?

2) a single mistake is not "only human" cos animals make mistakes too. Machines make mistakes too when they have programming errors. Are we now putting the level of a "human" down to the level of a mere animal or machine? Same goes for giving into temptations of the flesh like pre-marital sex and stuff. Animals screw around. Hence it does not make such things "only human". Why devalue humanity in this way?
Giving in to basal instincts is not "only human"

3) The differnce comes with multiple mistakes.
Multiple mistakes, especially if it is the same mistake done over and over again, is also NOT "only human". Computers that make multiple mistakes usually come from either structural or programming error. Meaning, they were just going according to their pre-set program and to them it is not a mistake.
But as humans(at least healthy humans those that are free from biological impediments that lead to psychological issues), the very fact that we are self aware, allows us to trancend our pre-set program(our instincts). What sets a human apart from a machine(at least until true A.I is invented) is our ability to LEARN.
So failing to learn from past errors and failing to stop commiting the same mistakes over and over again is NOT ONLY HUMAN.

see, machines and programs are not faultless, admit it. How many times computer crash? at least got once. Every single system has at least one bug. Its only a matter of time till that bug or code anomaly is discovered.
Crash why? Its either hardware or the code corruption.
>>Machines make mistakes. We use machines not to do away with mistakes, but increase effeciency.
Calculator for example. A man can calculate ANY mathematical problem himself, given enough time and if he is not careless. The calculator only calculates faster, not better.
.
The calculator does not do math on its own, it merely augments a human's abilities to do math.

But if a calculator had a bug caused by a small electrical glitch which made it think "2+2 is 3, then it willl keep making 2+ 2= 3 becos it does not know that it is wrong. As such we see that a machine cannot go beyond its pre-programmed parameters.

The problem is that machines cannot change themselves if they make an error. They dont know it is an error as it is still part of their code. This is called a lack of SELF AWARENESS.

hence my statement that making mistakes is not ONLY human. It extends to animals(some hatch the wrong duck's ducklings etc) and machines as well since they are not as self-aware as humans in a sense.

This is where the human rises above the machine. The human KNOWS right and wrong unlike the machine. And the human is able to go beyond his core programming and correct what is wrong.

Unconscious slip ups here and there, fine. But not when one has full knowledge of his erronous actions and yet only pass it of as "I'm only human and it is human nature to make mistakes"

Why do we(people who use that phrase) not acknowledge what comes after the mistake and the forgiveness?

A better phrase would be
"To err is beneath a human(i hope i was clear as to why i think that it is not just humans who make mistakes, but machines and animals too. Unless someone thinks that machines and animals are better than humans),
to forgive is divine(definitely. And why? Because of hope. We acknowledge that in every human there is the capacity for good and the ability to learn and change, hence we give second chances)
to learn is natural,(yes learning is natural. It is inbuilt into all creatures. BUT......)
to correct is truly human".(machines cant correct themselves unless someone commands them to. Animals have no concept of right and wrong)


.A human corrects himself for that is the logical thing to do since he has the capabilities to do so unlike animals(lacking mental capacity) and machines(lacking self awareness).


So why is this phrase continually misused as an excuse to brush away or downplay mistakes and i also wonder who was the first idiot to coin it.

If you want to read deeper, this phrase implies that humanity is a mistake since it says that it is our intended nature to only make mistakes. Just clarify that our nature is not to make mistakes since non-humans make mistakes too,
Our intended nature is to learn from mistakes, grow, ensure those mistakes are not made again, and ultimately trancend beyond our pre-set parameters to become fully self-actualised individuals.


In conclusion
1) making mistakes is not only a human trait. Therefore attributing mistakes to human nature by saying "I am only human" is wrong. It is also similar to a machine saying "I make errors because i was programed that way". That indicates that using the phrase "I am only human" is merely a ploy to shirk responsibility for a mistake.
2) What makes one "only human"(a trait exclusive only to humans) is the drive and desire to improve oneself and move beyond one's core program.

Mitsubishi Drops Jack Neo after Scandal.

hahahahaha I just HAD to do this. Why did they drop him? Its not their fault Thats cos he no longer represents the values Mitsubishi claims are part of their air-cons. Quotes are from Jack Neo's very annoying and very repetitive mitsubishi air con "star max" commercial. Let the content analysis begin...... watch it here check this out. 1) At the bottom of the news cast it says "Mitsubishi: change for the better" - like after the first affair Jack Neo got change for the better? got learn from mistake? No! go have have other affairs. 3 so far and counting Neo in the commercial say the air con is...... " quietest" - nope, the way this affair has been blown wide open, its anything BUT quiet "Highest energy savings" - HA! now with a 3rd affair exposed, you think Neo will have energy saved for anything else? "Just wipe here and clean there, SIMPLE!" - Like this black mark on his reputation so easy to clean away meh?? "Simple Maintainance" - Right.......if only extramarital affairs were that simple to maintain secrecy One thing though. I quote Jack neo from the commercial again "And vaccume here. WOW!" - yup, like the vaccume, this whole extramarital thing SUX. WOW.

Indecisive moron FTW?

What are the chances that this tall handsome young man looking no older than his late 20s, be visiting KFC for the first time in his life??

No he aint some china man; he spoke with the tone and voice of an educated young singaporean. No dialect, no slurs, his speech style sounding more like Goh Chock Tong than Phua Chu Kang. Dressed in a professional looking shirt, well pressed pants and carrying a briefcase, he was the perfect picture of a young up and coming executive making his way home from work only stopping by KFC to buy dinner.

Now i ask this........WHO TAKES MORE THAN 5 MINUTES TO PLACE A DARN ORDER!!!!?!?!?

Seriously, it was like the guy's first time at KFC.
>At first he wants a 2 piece chicken meal
- girl at the counter asks him "Crispy or original"
>He says crispy........the girl go gets crispy.....then as she is getting the 2nd piece, he says "sorry, make that original"
-the girl complies and puts back the chicken and reaches for the original pieces.
-places the original pieces on the counter
> he takes one look at it at reacts as if the girl just put a Lard McFlaccid in front of him. "erm, can i have drumsticks. I dont like the wing parts"
(YES he said "I dont like the Wing parts".........read that again "WING PARTS". What other part does a chicken try to fly with?!?!!?)
Anyway
- poor girl makes another trip to the chicken taking area
-next, the drinks.
-girl places the cup under pepsi.
> He stops her as the cup is half way filling and asks if they have COKE.
(any retard can LOOK at the stickers of drinks there is available at the drink dispenser and clearly see THERE ISN NO COKE)
-poor girl has to explain to him that there is no coke
BTW, the whole time i was directly behind this dope thinking that this line was the shortest. It had only 2 ppl lining up while the rest had about 5. BUT BY NOW, the other lines 5th person is happily ordering his food and IM STUCK BEHIND A COMPLETE MORON!!!

where was I? oh ya, praying to all high heavens that she does not ask him......
oh crap she did.........
- "you want to change the potato to anything else?" she asks.
> "change to what?" he replies.
What followed was a uncomfortable exchange between the two as she explained how he had to add $1.70 if he wanted cheese fries or $0.50 if he wanted a salad. If i only had a mallet..............
So, he wants to change his potato to cheese fries right?
wrong, cos he wants to change it to coleslaw
But the darn meal ALREADY comes with A COLESLAW
and oh now he wants to change his COLESLAW to Cheese fries.

OK
Order finally settled and ready to go right?
WRONG!!!!
"oh sorry, i want to 'take away'"- he says(as you know, if you want to take away, KFC uses different packaging for the chicken and cheese fries)
So the poor girl re-packs everything. Gives him the food, and change.

FINALLY!!!!

So right now im wondering to myself.
How can someone who looks so educated and young either
a) has never been near KFC before
b) is an indecisive moron
c) can talk like Goh Chock Tong but says stuff like "Wing Parts"

THE complete idiocy of it all makes MY BRAIN ASPLODE!!!

CNY

Bittersweet, like the taste of Yu-shen with a little too much lime.

On one hand, i am grateful for all the good things. A loving family. A great reunion dinner.
We had BBQ instead of the traditional steamboat.
My liver might be dying anytime soon; so much meat and wine.

One whole week and then its back to studies.

sian.


On the other hand, sometimes we need to make harsh decisions. And i've made one.
Acceptance can only go so far until it becomes blinded.

Acceptance has to be mutual. Friendship has to be mutual.

Friends arent some outlet of convenience; have time then make friends, no time then throw away.

But with spring cleaning, comes the dumping of old trash.
You just have to let the trash go.

I'm gonna let you go now. Even my Guinea pig has more loyalty than that, than you. she doesnt toss me aside when the going gets tough, she keeps no secrets, she waits for me and appreciates me. I get nothing like that from you.

You have one last chance before i drop you. and by golly i;m gonna drop from a high place...

Edge of giving up

Sometimes i wonder why i even bother.

It is true that if i were to not speak, no one would speak to me.

The worse part comes when no one even makes an effort to understand me. Do you know how mind numbing it is to lower myself to understanding you? I try my dest to understand you and never get the same in return!

All you do is make demands of me, yet i never make a single demand of you.

I can only sit there and take so much.

Everything you ask, i do.
All i ask is that you try to understand me, not change me.

ALL I ASK, after trying all my life to understand you all, is for someone else to try to understand me. JUST TRY!! Show that minuscule illusion of interest for frag's sake!

Cos sooner than later, i would stop trying to understand you too.

fighting this feeling

can there really be a true balance?

Why then can i not express this feeling. . .

I feel shut in, pent up. Closed off.
I want to say something but dont know what to say.

Getting used to the sound of silence

So many people talking. Its noisy. I hear them all. All except you.

I made a discovery today. Nobody talks to me unless i talk to somebody. Only my friends talk to me. But even that is not "talk". We merely exchange words, not ideas. We only talk, never converse.

but at least, at very least, they talk to me. I am satisfied. Not happy, but satisfied.

You on the other hand remain silent. Only conversing with your pompous prozac popping partner; your husband/wife. I should have known better than to try getting close to a married individual.

Nobody knows how much i agonise to come up with something, anything that would get you to talk to me. Instead all i get is a nod, a wave, an empty excuse of a reply grudgingly churned out.

Empty, grudgingly.

I have decided to carry on my experiment. I shall no longer talk to prozac addicts; Those unable to wake up and smell the ashes who stupidly insist foul weeds are flowers.

Why talk when nobody ever listens! Why share when nobody recieves!

Its like playing freaking tennis with myself. Serve the ball and nobody hits it back!


I have decided to not talk, and see who talks to me. Those who talk to me, good friends all, Their kindness and compassion shall be repaid a hundred fold.
Those who would share ideas with me will be repaid even greater.

Those that remain silent, no longer exist in my eyes.


Is there really nobody who would truly listen and truly share? I hide nothing from people, why then do they hide from me? Should they ask, i share. Should i ask them, all i get is that half hearted reply.

Is there really nobody to share with? Somebody please return the volley.....